What is this?

What is this? I don't really know, other then a continuation of my updates and writings that I was sharing previously on Caringbridge of this journey through cancer and now widowhood and single parenting.

Maybe it won't end up being anything at all, or maybe it will be a glimpse into my heart, my life, my current situation, my testimony.

Whatever it becomes, I am touched that you are interested.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Lifted up

I have been surrounded constantly by close friends and family. We have laughed together, we have cried together. What a blessing they all have been. It's in the silence and the redundancy that it hurts the most.

Grief is a strange thing. It comes at the oddest times sometimes. Like when a huge spider was crawling on the floor, and I instinctually jump on the sofa, laughing as everyone was trying to locate it. Matt came to the rescue, and once it was 'taken care of' it just hit me like a ton of bricks, I'm gonna have to kill my own spiders now.

Thank you all for your comments and messages. They have ministered to my heart. There are two in particular regarding Brandon's passing alone that have been such comfort to me. As USJET (from ar15.com) said in his comment regarding the passing of his father and Brandon alone, 'As you saw with Brandon, love held them back. They needed to be alone to take that walk.' So beautifully said USJET, thank you. And a friend's mother who worked in hospice, assuring me that it is not uncommon at all for some to wait until they are alone. Maybe that's why God put it on my heart to share those details, because he knew that these words would bring me such comfort.

From those near who can physically be my strength to those afar who's words and prayers have lifted me up, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
As we ate dinner last night on the deck in fellowship with friends and family it was so bittersweet. Some of our closest friends rallying together in support of our family and of each other, but missing one important person. I wanted him sitting there beside me so badly. But oh how good it feels to be surrounded by so much love right now.

From laughter to pain so quickly. This happens over and over all day long. You don't realize exactly how entwined your life is with your spouse until they are gone. Everything has his fingerprints on it. Everything changes.

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