I so wish I had something uplifting and inspiring to share, but sadly I do not. I have been waiting to be in a decent state of mind before I share anything but it seems that if I wait on that it may be a while.
But I do want to send out a quick update and prayer request.
I think my last post said how I was going to lean into the grief and attempt to process the traumatic things that happened this time last year. Well, to be candid, doing that seemed to open pandora's box. Pair that with a gradual but very bad reaction to a new medication that nearly made me loose my mind, it goes without saying that it's been rough lately. Very rough.
I am trying to navigate what I am calling a 'breakdown'. A loss of control over my emotions and my mind really. Ultimately, I held it together pretty good for pretty long, but all along I knew that this was going to happen, I just didn't know when or what it would look like.
Add my cat going missing and starting the process of getting Aria tested for Lynch Syndrome and Brandon's Birthday (tomorrow) and his upcoming Angelversary - I feel like I am at my limit. Things got kinda scary and Brandon's family swooped in to help with Aria.
I got away for a long weekend last week without Aria and came back in a better state of mind then I left in. Instead of feeling crazy everyday, it's on and off - so that is an improvement.
I know I'll get through this, and I know it's something I have to go through. It just sucks and I wish I knew when the "end date" was. But I also know better. There is no end to grief, we just learn how to incorporate it into our lives. We don't graduate from this. But it will get lighter.
So, I write this to ask for these prayers:
-Aria to test NEGATIVE for Lynch Syndrome (cancer causing genetic mutation Brandon had)
-Clarity of mind and wisdom for me
-Peace beyond understanding for us all as we face these difficult days ahead
Thank you <3