What is this?

What is this? I don't really know, other then a continuation of my updates and writings that I was sharing previously on Caringbridge of this journey through cancer and now widowhood and single parenting.

Maybe it won't end up being anything at all, or maybe it will be a glimpse into my heart, my life, my current situation, my testimony.

Whatever it becomes, I am touched that you are interested.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Hope and Hopelesness

I wanted to share this devotional that someone reminded me of in a guest book post. (Thank you!)

http://davidwilkersontoday.blogspot.com/2011/04/when-all-means-fail.html?m=1 />

If I remember correct, this was the devotional posted the day before Brandon's grandfather passed away in a tragic car accident. This was also in the middle of our first battle with cancer.

I keep praying that God will allow me to rest in this truth when things get more difficult ahead.

It's hard to imagine things getting harder then they are now. But it will. The ache is not complete yet. I can still look into his eyes, hear him weakly call me sweetie, see him smile when he sees Aria. I'm scared of how deeply it will hurt to only have memories of all of that. We did all of life together. We work together, live together, and yet still enjoy all our time together. We rarely fight. We take on each other's interests with joy. We have always looked at it that HE doesn't have cancer, WE have cancer. WE have lupus. We are a team. And as hard as it is to watch the person you love the most suffering like this, I know it's going to be much harder on the other side.

I still have hope now. I still have my husband. I still have my little family we dreamed of and prayed for. I guess I'll have to find new hope on the other side to get through the days. Right now it feels like my hope will be to just make it through the heartache of each day.

I will do my best to cling to that devotional.

I pray that if you too are in the valley of suffering and if you are reaching hopelessness that it speaks to your heart too.

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