What is this?

What is this? I don't really know, other then a continuation of my updates and writings that I was sharing previously on Caringbridge of this journey through cancer and now widowhood and single parenting.

Maybe it won't end up being anything at all, or maybe it will be a glimpse into my heart, my life, my current situation, my testimony.

Whatever it becomes, I am touched that you are interested.

Sunday, October 5, 2014


I'm grateful that Brandon and I truly did not take each other for granted. Yeah, we disagreed sometimes, rolled our eyes at stupid things the other did and didn't always make the best use of our time together. But we told each other daily things we were appreciative of in each other. And not in a forced way, but authentically.

If one word could sum up how Brandon made me feel it would be cherished.

To him I was everything he needed on this earth and he would do nearly anything to make me feel loved and happy.

Oh how he loved golf, but he always said he loved it most when I was there sharing the experience with him. Driving the cart, taking videos of his swing, or hitting a bucket with him at the range.

He would call me 5 minutes after I left the house to tell me something he just saw the cat do and had to share with me, about a great idea he just had, or about a funny post on Arfcom.

He researched extensively to find only the best for me; best coffee for the espresso maker, best earphones for the gym, best dessert places in Denver, best app for breast feeding.

He made the bed every morning. Not because he cared if the sheets were tucked, but because he knew it made me happy. I never asked him to do it, and he never complained about doing it, he just did it.

More often then not he still opened the car door for me after 8 1/2 years of marriage.

He sucked it up and went with me for the hours and hours of registering for the baby, researching every major product we put on the list, insisting on certain items over others, because his baby girl would only have the best and the safest.

He knew my limits better then I did. When I was pushing myself too hard he would make me rest to keep the lupus at bay.

He told me how beautiful I was to him. Every day. Multiple times a day.

He delighted in providing for me, protecting me and making me happy. He cherished me.

I'm so grateful I can write these memories down and not be wishing I had told him thank you. I did, often. He knew how much I appreciated all he did for me. And I know without a doubt how how fulfilled he also was in our marriage.

I hope our daughter settles for nothing less in a man then her daddy was. It was always his plan to show her how she should be treated by men by her seeing how he treated me. And he was so excited for daddy-daughter dates.

My dad says he had never worried about my well being with Brandon, and that says a lot as my dad is a worrier for his only child.

I miss everything about Brandon. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Because no matter how angry it would make me to have two open milk jugs in the fridge or how many toothpicks I had to pick up off the floor, I loved all of him, completely. And I am so thankful that he always knew that...

Take a moment every day to acknowledge something you are thankful for in your spouse. No matter how silly it may seem, or even how hard it may be to find some days, that little act can leave an impact forever.

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