What is this?

What is this? I don't really know, other then a continuation of my updates and writings that I was sharing previously on Caringbridge of this journey through cancer and now widowhood and single parenting.

Maybe it won't end up being anything at all, or maybe it will be a glimpse into my heart, my life, my current situation, my testimony.

Whatever it becomes, I am touched that you are interested.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

"Be like B"

"Be like B" is a phrase that repeats in my mind often.  It's a term coined by a friend in response to how Brandon so gracefully and faithfully clung to God's promises during the most difficult journey of his life.

When I am feeling lost and like my world is spinning out of control I think back the last months of his life.  I remember things in visual snapshots and I am so often taken back to this one:

It was August of 2014, Brandon was in the hospital yet again, and the news was not good.  I had just returned home from there to an empty and dark home, a rarity in those days since I was surrounded by so much support.  Aria was napping and I sat alone in the dark living room on an exercise ball weeping because I had just prayed the hardest prayer of my life.

It was simply worded, but so profoundly impactful.

"Lord, if you are going to heal him, please do.  But if not, please make it fast.  Not my will, but Yours be done."

The same words that days before Brandon had admitted to me that he prayed for.

When he told me that was his prayer I was so mad.  I never let him see that, but I felt like he was giving up and I was not ready to do that.  I am a fighter and WE are going to fight this, not surrender to it!

But his words and the peace he said them with stuck with me. Slowly I came to see that in reality he was not throwing up the white flag to cancer.  No, instead he was surrendering his life to God's plan, regardless of the worldly pain and outcome that may come.  That was not cowardly, it was brave.

When I realized that, I knew that I could not pray those words unless I truly was willing to release him to God and accept the peace beyond understanding that comes with surrendering.  And on that day, I did.  It was the hardest thing I had ever done, and was only possible because of Brandon's impenetrable faith and his shining example before me.

To keep Brandon's memory alive, and to continue to raise support for Aria, a loving friend had it on her heart to create and distribute "Be like B" reminderbands.  If you would like one, please visit this GoFundMe page to order.

I hope that when things get difficult, as they will, you too can remember to "Be like B" and know deep down that God's got it under control.

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42

I hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving!


  1. Could you tell us what happened to Brandon's Mother, Bonnie? One day she left Facebook and never returned, leaving thousands of Christian's worldwide wondering why?

  2. What an awesome legacy Brandon left for you and Aria: the strength and faith and humility. Thank you for your honesty and transparency. Share your story, see God's story. Thank you Christina.

  3. Wishing you an extra measure of grace during this season.

  4. Please tell us about Bonnie too.. I am very concerned.. Just say if she's doing well.. I haven't seen her in ages.

  5. Has Aria been tested already for that Brandon's mutation? I'm praying for you.


Thank you for sharing your thoughts!