What is this?

What is this? I don't really know, other then a continuation of my updates and writings that I was sharing previously on Caringbridge of this journey through cancer and now widowhood and single parenting.

Maybe it won't end up being anything at all, or maybe it will be a glimpse into my heart, my life, my current situation, my testimony.

Whatever it becomes, I am touched that you are interested.

Friday, August 21, 2015

We don't graduate from this

I so wish I had something uplifting and inspiring to share, but sadly I do not.  I have been waiting to be in a decent state of mind before I share anything but it seems that if I wait on that it may be a while.

But I do want to send out a quick update and prayer request.

I think my last post said how I was going to lean into the grief and attempt to process the traumatic things that happened this time last year.  Well, to be candid, doing that seemed to open pandora's box.  Pair that with a gradual but very bad reaction to a new medication that nearly made me loose my mind, it goes without saying that it's been rough lately.  Very rough.

I am trying to navigate what I am calling a 'breakdown'.  A loss of control over my emotions and my mind really.  Ultimately, I held it together pretty good for pretty long, but all along I knew that this was going to happen, I just didn't know when or what it would look like.

Add my cat going missing and starting the process of getting Aria tested for Lynch Syndrome and Brandon's Birthday (tomorrow) and his upcoming Angelversary - I feel like I am at my limit.  Things got kinda scary and Brandon's family swooped in to help with Aria.

I got away for a long weekend last week without Aria and came back in a better state of mind then I left in.  Instead of feeling crazy everyday, it's on and off - so that is an improvement.

I know I'll get through this, and I know it's something I have to go through.  It just sucks and I wish I knew when the "end date" was.  But I also know better.  There is no end to grief, we just learn how to incorporate it into our lives.  We don't graduate from this.  But it will get lighter.

So, I write this to ask for these prayers:
-Aria to test NEGATIVE for Lynch Syndrome (cancer causing genetic mutation Brandon had)
-Clarity of mind and wisdom for me
-Peace beyond understanding for us all as we face these difficult days ahead

Thank you <3

13 comments:

  1. You will be in my prayer. God is in control and He has everything that is happening with you in His hands. Be strong and continue to be honest about your feelings to Him who knows everything! You and Aria is so loved by Him! Remember His promises for widows and the fatherless.hold on to that. Much love

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  2. You will be in my prayer. God is in control and He has everything that is happening with you in His hands. Be strong and continue to be honest about your feelings to Him who knows everything! You and Aria is so loved by Him! Remember His promises for widows and the fatherless.hold on to that. Much love

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  3. Oh God. I am praying along with countless others. Thank you again for your transparency. You're a Queen. :-)

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    1. Thank you for the update so I know how to pray. I've wondered how you've been doing. My husband and I will pray for you and Aria, especially so she doesn't have that Lynch Syndrome. I cant even imagine how stressful this is. May God surround you with peace and comfort.

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  4. Praying for you Christina and that Aria tests negative for Lynch Syndrome. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is always faithful!

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  5. I can hear and feel the pain coming through your words Christina :'[ I am glad you decided to share how you are feeling, the pain has to go somewhere. Thinking of you, crying with you, and sending you hugs!

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  6. Praying for you and aria , God will see you through... He has a plan

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  7. You and your family have been on my heart and in my prayers. Will not stop praying and believing for all of you! BUT GOD!

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  8. I hear your pain ... I've been through very much in this life too ... please ... please start watching the SBN network ... on the internet at SonLifeTV.com ... I know this small simple message seems dry and pointless, but please just give this ministry a try ..... . The Holy Spirit will draw and guide and heal .... (sorry for such a dry message, a very hard day here ..... please ... give this a try)

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  9. I always enjoy your posts, Christina, and often wonder how you are doing. Although difficult, it is good to share and although we cannot take the pain away, time and God will. Roger and Bonnie were in our small group years ago. Hugs to you.

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  10. I too am praying for you. Thank you for the update it does seem to help in praying specifically. I miss seeing Bonnie's post on FB but do love reading yours.

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  11. I am sorry for everything you have gone through these last months Christina, I am praying for peace, health and cure for your and for your family.
    I'd just like to know what happened to Bonnie? I haven't seen her in FB in a few months. Is she ok? Is everything well? I miss seeing her online.

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Thank you for sharing your thoughts!