What is this?

What is this? I don't really know, other then a continuation of my updates and writings that I was sharing previously on Caringbridge of this journey through cancer and now widowhood and single parenting.

Maybe it won't end up being anything at all, or maybe it will be a glimpse into my heart, my life, my current situation, my testimony.

Whatever it becomes, I am touched that you are interested.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

...i cried to Him

I cried to Him...

The walls are closing in
more and more every day
just as soon as we adjust
more pain makes it’s way
into our already broken hearts
deeper through and through,
just one foot in front of the other
is seemingly impossible to do.

So where have you been
when the cancer found a home?
When the news got worse and worse?
As our life was over-thrown?

I’m now completely terrified
of what the sun will bring to light.
Where will our shadows fall?
Onto fight or onto flight?
Where do we go from here?
We are stuck in today.
We are scared to hope for anything
that might get taken away.

So where have you been
when the hurt overpowered my mind?
When the air wouldn’t fill my lungs?
When my knees buckled under the grind?

I cried out to Him.
In anger.
In desperation.
In frustration.

And He said...

Where have I been, my child?
I’ve been here all along.
I kept the cancer from going too far,
I made him extra strong.

Not only in the physical being,
but in his faith in me,
so that his righteousness could be seen
even when he’s weak.

I’m the One who brought the light
to cast upon your face.
Not to bring darkness in your shadow,
but to wrap you in my warm embrace.

Don’t be fooled, my beloved,
I don’t hold you captive in today.
I give you the gift of the moment
to leave tomorrow’s troubles out of this day.

And I was right there with you
as your breath became thin.
I cried there on the floor with you.
As you let it out, I took it in.

You see, my precious daughter,
my love for you is so pure
that I gladly use you in my plan
because I know how much you can endure.

My gifts to you are shown
through what you can share
of the triumphs and the trials
and the beauty that can come from despair.

Don’t ever be frightened, my love,
your days have been pre-ordained.
All good and bad, part of my plan
so that my Truth may be gained.


  1. This is absolutely beautiful. I can't express how much I admire you for being able to write this during such a trying time in your life. You are a true inspiration. I am honored to call you my best friend. I love you dearly.


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