What is this?

What is this? I don't really know, other then a continuation of my updates and writings that I was sharing previously on Caringbridge of this journey through cancer and now widowhood and single parenting.

Maybe it won't end up being anything at all, or maybe it will be a glimpse into my heart, my life, my current situation, my testimony.

Whatever it becomes, I am touched that you are interested.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Boiling Over

I'm feeling so supported today. God's timing is just so amazing.

However, last night was difficult. Aria went to bed a little early, allowing me more evening quiet time. I thought this was going to be a good thing...

I ate toast and bacon and had a glass of wine. I chuckled at how Brandon would be shocked by this new me. She who always obsessed over food. It has to be the perfect temperature, everything has to be ready at the same time and could never eat the same thing over and over. I have always been a picky eater. And here I am calling this dinner?!

Well, now I eat for necessity, not pleasure. I rarely have time to eat sitting down or while it's hot, and I'll eat pretty much anything put in front of me.

Toast, bacon and wine on a Friday night. Then I cried myself to sleep. Not quite the evening I had hoped for. But I know this part of the grief has to happen.

It's been hard to cry. I can tear up all day long, but to just cry it out has been a rarity.  It's tough to allow it to boil over, but I'm learning that I have to surrender to it when it comes on.

I woke this morning feeling a little anxious. Three of my girlfriends were coming over to have a cooking afternoon. I wasn't sure if I would be much company, let alone capable.

But God.  Oh, he knew how I needed to be surrounded by such loving friends.  I think He allowed me to fall into despair last night, knowing they would be there to lift me up in the morning.  We laughed and we cooked. 

And I had to remind myself that I don't always have to be 'on'.  I don't always have to appear to be OK.  Because the truth is, I'm not OK.  And that's OK.  And showing our hurt, vulnerability, and need isn't a bad thing.  It's freeing actually.  And it's often where I've found God showing up the most.  And being surrounded by such loving, giving friends always helps.

And not only did this afternoon serve me, but it served all of us!  We all have 4 full meals in our fridge for the week to come. 

I seriously recommend this strategy to others.  I mean, you get to hang out with your friends and then have meals ready for the upcoming week.  For me, since there is only myself eating, I'll have lunch and dinner all week long.  For the others, they will have 4 dinners, and likely 2 days of leftovers also, and it only took us 3 hours including a pizza lunch break.  Now all of our evenings this upcoming week will allow us extra time not cooking.

Here is our strategy in case you want to give it a try:

-Up to 4 people.
-Each person picks a meal to make. Pick different proteins or style (Mexican, Italian, etc.) for variety.
-Each person supplies the makings for their dish, with enough for 2 - 4 servings for all who are cooking.
-Each person supplies the 'disposable' Tupperware for their dish.
-Pick a day and help each other cook and assemble the dishes.

If something takes a while simply prep that part the day before (ex: slow cooking pulled chicken).  We even had a vegetarian and a 'meat-on-the-side' preference to work with, and successfully accommodated both.

We had a great time, in a short time, was inexpensive, accomplished a daily need, AND we all have healthy home cooked meals to enjoy.  Win-win-win-win-win.

Anyhow, I was excited to share this idea with you all since it was so successful for us.

God bless.

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