Home Together

We have been home together since Wednesday night. I am so thankful that we can finally be together, Brandon, Aria and I. I feel complete again.

We had the opportunity to do a baby dedication last night. It was very important to Brandon and I to be able to dedicate Aria to God together and with Haley and David (Godparents) present, and God granted us that time and a lot of family were able to be there too.

We have been working on trying to make a few videos for Aria from Brandon. It's difficult to know what to say for her sweet 16 birthday, graduation, wedding and such when she is only 8 weeks old. It's heart wrenching.

This all feels so surreal. God is giving me the strength I am needing to get through. He may even be extending me some numbness, or I may just be in a level of shock. I am trying to just keep on keeping on, and be in the present, and not really allow myself to continually realize what is going on. I keep repeating that there will be plenty of time to grieve later, right now I need to soak up every moment with my husband. 

I am trying to embrace a Dr. Seuss saying that a kind arfcom-er sent to me: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened". 

We have had so many visitors and supporters. Cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, organizing, holding Aria, bringing groceries. I didn't have to do a thing to figure out where the hospital bed would go or the furniture. 

I truly know the meaning of 'When I am weak, He is strong'. God promises this, and He has not forsaken me or Brandon. Brandon's strength through this is astonishing. He is ready to go home. 

I told him last night what the doctor had said to me, that she has always said 'If God saw me a good person, He would take me home from kidney disease'. He will just get more and more sleepy, no pain. This brought him a lot of comfort.

We, Brandon especially, are so grateful for all the support everyone has been showing us. The fundraiser, gifts in the mail, a raffle on Ar15.com, the sales from 50 special edition triggers, and more all are bringing so much more then monetary comfort at this time. Brandon is not worried about how the extensive medical bills will be paid. Hopefully I can start a small college fund for Aria that will grow with her. I will not go into serious debt from this. Knowing this, Brandon has found peace. So thank you, each and every one of you who has generously given to us, you have given a life changing gift to Brandon, myself and Aria.

I will update as I can. I am trying my hardest to hold it together, and writing about it takes me close to breaking, and I just can't do that yet. I need to be strong for Brandon and Aria. 

Please pray for comfort and peace for Brandon and strength for all of us. 

I continue to pray for a miracle, for complete earthly healing of his body. But I love him too much to pray for more time if he has to continue to suffer. It's a hard prayer to pray...

To share, follow or donate to Giveforward click HERE. (Just a reminder since there has been confusion - the purple 'donate today' button on this page is a donation to CaringBridge, not to our Fundraiser.)

Next Steps

I wanted to just give a basic update of our journey.  Forgive me for the lack of finesse in this update.

We believe we will be getting released from the hospital today or tomorrow, just waiting on finalizing the details for home hospice care, and getting the proper equipment there and set up.

Brandon is very weak, and very fatigued, but not in pain.  

We have had lots of visitors, close friends and family from all over the country coming to visit and help.  We are so grateful.  I can't even express how dizzying and confusing and difficult this is, and would be impossible without all the help to myself, Bonnie, Roger and David.

We plan to go home with home hospice care, and according to Brandon's wishes, do our best to transfer to a facility at the end.  We need your prayers that God allows us the ability to do our best to meet those wishes, both with timing and finances.

We are incredibly humbled by the outpouring of donations to the Giveforwardfundraiser for us.  As we make some very difficult decisions, it has truly ministered to our spirits to have that to allow us to do our best to meet Brandon's wishes.  And, as much as it has comforted me, it has comforted Brandon so much more.  Without life insurance (denied since diagnosed so young) this is truly helping to calm his financial fears for Aria and I.  So I thank you, not just for Aria and I, but especially for ministering to Brandon.  

And, I have to add a quick incredibly humbled, appreciative, and truly astonished Thank you to the ARFCOM community.  I have no words for how kind and generous you all have been, and I hope you know how much your community has been an amazing part of Brandon's life.  And our marriage - I often asked him to poll arfcom on a debate or question.  We laughed over many posts together, and something from the forum was a topic of discussion for us nearly daily.  To see the impact of this community click HERE.

This is on a more intimate note, but please pray that God brings me continued supernatural strength.  I am terrified.  Everyone else has their primary physical support person to lean on through this, and I am loosing mine.  I can not fathom how I will navigate this without Brandon.  God will get me through moment by moment, day by day.  He gives and He takes away, and I am so thankful for the man He gave me for the past 10 years of my life.  He just gave me so much in one person, so many roles in my life will be missed when needed most, especially father to Aria.  Abba Father, Aria and I need you like I've never known before.

Prayers:
-Comfort for Brandon; spiritual, physical and emotional.
-Strength, peace, wisdom, and guidance for all of us.
-God's guidance and provisions for our care arrangements 
-Safe travels for all those coming to support 

-Blessings multiplied for all those who have donated to help us.  

To share, follow or donate to Giveforward click HERE. (Just a reminder since there has been confusion - the purple 'donate today' button on this page is a donation to CaringBridge, not to our Fundraiser.)

Hold Tight

Whether it the middle of a fight or the middle of just another night, for just a moment- make sure to hold your spouse tight. Hold their hand, wrap your arms around them, or ask them to wrap their arms around you. If they ask why, say it's for Brandon & Christina . Be thankful for them and for having them next to you.

Baby Love

I caved in and brought Aria to the hospital. I have no idea when Brandon may get to see her otherwise and he needs some baby love, and it's nice for me (emotionally and b/c of nursing) to have them both in the same place for a little while. It is so hard to have to be apart from either of them to be with the other one. 

I asked my favorite nurse her opinion and she said that as long as we covered her, brought her straight in and straight out, and were careful about handling her, she thought it would be ok. She also called housekeeping to have them sanitize everything first, which was very kind of her. Regardless, please pray for God's protection over her health visiting at the hospital.

I'm already a germaphobe, so literally I washed my hands and sanitized like every 10 minutes. My parents and bestie Haley took her for a walk outside so Brandon could rest for a little. Thankfully God blessed us with such a good baby she barely made a peep the whole time she was here. 

Brandon loved getting to hold her on his lap for a little bit. I think baby love is the best medicine. And maybe wifey love too...

He also really enjoyed getting to finally see my dad with Aria (this is his first visit since she was born). 

We thank you all so much for your prayers. I can update that the swelling is a bit more stable, though likely building up around lungs again. His kidney functioning has remained at the same level for the past 24 hours. It's not good, but it hasn't declined further. 

Nausea has been very difficult. He has to get potassium infusions and it causes him extreme nausea. He has not eaten much and has lost a lot of weight. 

We are so very grateful for God's blessings. So many have rallied behind us and supported us. I am immensely humbled. God has timed my mom's visits perfectly, and my friend Haley's visit perfectly, that I have not had to spend a night alone in the house lately. 

I also am beyond words about the generosity of friends, family, friends of friends, forum friends and complete strangers. The fundraiser set up for us on giveforward has blown me away. Today Brandon and I prayed for everyone that has donated to us. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you, thank you. 


Prayers:

-significant improvement with Nausea

-ability to eat

-Improved Kidney functioning 

-improved potassium levels w/out daily infusions

-less swelling

-no more fluid building up around lungs

-no progression of cancer 

-miraculous healing!

-comfort, peace, strength and rest for Brandon (and all of us).

-protection over Aria's health


To share, follow or donate:

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/srh5/brandon-s-journey-with-the-big-c-?utm_source=giveforward&utm_medium=share&utm_campaign=dashboard&shareid=2565902

Back to the Hospital

This is going to be very brief, I just want to update for prayers.


Blood work from yesterday afternoon showed that kidney functioning has decreased since being home. Coupled with needing to get a left Thorosentesis (draining of the fluid around lungs) on Wed, and on the right side today the doctors chose to re-admit Brandon to the hospital tonight to test and monitor what's going on. 


I'm not going to sugar coat it, we are all feeling weak and weary and very upset. 


I am grateful for my mother in law being here with me now, one of my best friends dropping everything to spend the night with me tonight and the timely arrival tomorrow of my other best friend staying here for the week. 


All I can pray is just 'God, please help'. I don't have words anymore...